What is couple’s therapy?

When there is a lack of understanding in a couple and conflicts arise, going to couple’s therapy, a speciality with the field of psychology, becomes an excellent option.

The Degree in Psychology in Madrid or the Degree in Psychology in Valencia at Universidad Europea both contain modules in which students analyse the different ways of dealing with these difficulties and how to manage couple crises correctly.

In this post, we explain when you should go to couple therapy, what areas are treated in these sessions and what types of therapy exist.

When is the right time to go to couple's therapy?

Recognising bilaterally that conflicts have arisen and knowing how to identify them is a good start for couple's therapy. It is also essential to address the problem in time, before it magnifies and generates a distancing that makes the differences between the two of you unbridgeable.

Causes that usually generate problems in couples

Within the origin of the different problems experienced by couples, these are the most frequent:

• Communication problems: the couple is not able to express their demands, to understand each other's requests or to empathise with each other's position.  There is a clear lack of understanding and agreement.
• Intimacy and sexuality problems: difficulties appear in the erotic sphere such as differences in the level of desire between the two, problems in experiencing pleasure, sensations of pain, rejection, etc. These situations, together with a lack of communication, can lead to a great deterioration in the couple's relationship.
• Life project: the lack of harmony in the couple's growth can also cause problems.
• Conflicts in parenting: the search for pregnancy, the postpartum period, parenting, the education of the children, the moment when they become independent, etc. These are very demanding life situations that can lead to estrangement between the couple.
• Discussions and lack of respect: in the face of difficulties, discussions sometimes escalate and lead to lack of respect, aggressive behaviour and other types of attitudes that can have a great impact on the psychological health of the partners.
• Infidelity: this is one of the most common causes of break-ups due to the loss of trust it generates. However, if both partners are determined to continue with the relationship, work can be done to look at the triggers that caused it and to solve the consequences it has caused.
• Jealousy and controlling attitudes: Some couples have problems managing their jealousy and exert harmful control over the other person. It is important to detect this situation and ask for help in order to redirect it.

What areas are dealt with in couple therapy?

Once we understand the possible reasons that can cause problems in a couple, it is necessary to know how to deal with them. There are three main areas to be treated in couple therapy:

• Cognitive area: focused on thoughts.
• Emotional area: focused on feelings.
• Behavioural area: focused on the way the partners act in the relationship.

The aim of all couples therapy is to find harmony in all three areas in order to solve existing conflicts.

What are the main types of couple therapy?

There are different types of couple therapies that depend largely on the psychological current followed by the therapist. Some of the main ones are the following:

• Systemic couple therapy: holds that individuals and their problems cannot be understood in isolation but are influenced by the system or context in which they find themselves. The therapist focuses on the dynamics and interactions between the partners. Their problems are seen as the result of dysfunctional interaction patterns that have developed over time.
• Cognitive-behavioural couple therapy: this is the most common therapy due to its proven effectiveness and focuses on analysing the behaviours that are causing problems in the couple, providing them with new tools that allow them to resolve their conflicts.
• Psychodynamic couple therapy: focuses on understanding and exploring the unconscious dynamics that influence the relationship. Past experiences, emotional wounds, emotional bonds and psychological defences that may be affecting the couple's current dynamics are explored.
• Humanistic couple therapy focuses on creating a warm, compassionate and non-judgmental therapeutic environment where partners can explore their individual and shared needs, emotions and goals. The goal of humanistic couple therapy is to foster personal growth and self-fulfilment for each partner, while strengthening the connection and intimacy in the relationship.

How does couples therapy work?

First of all, it is necessary to have an honest conversation with the therapist and the other partner to get to know the point of view of both partners. This is achieved by reviewing key aspects of your relationship, especially those that are potential sources of conflict, such as:

• Living together
• The division of tasks
• Communication
• Sexuality
• Time-sharing
• Parenting
• Relationship with the respective families.

Thanks to the vision that each partner offers on these issues, the problems that have arisen and how they have affected their relationship are identified. The therapist offers his or her vision and goals are set. In each session, the therapist provides a series of guidelines to try to improve the situation and evaluates the degree to which the objectives have been achieved. Subsequently, the sessions become more sporadic until the conflict is resolved.

The benefit of couples therapy lies in the changes, which are always necessary to restore a relationship. The Association of Sexology Specialists indicates that its effectiveness is around 70%, so that 2 out of 3 couples who resort to couple therapy manage to solve their problems.  Even in those who decide to end the relationship, the process of accompaniment and mediation in the break-up can be of great help.

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